04-28-2017, 11:31 PM
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Registered User
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Mansfield, UK
Posts: 157
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Adm.Lee
Nice. The art adds an interesting flavor.
A few nits, mostly on page 2.
1st para, 1st sentence: "The 9th structure" should be "9th's"
2nd para, only 1 r in Sheridan
3rd para, should be "ground-mounted automatic..."
4th & 5th paragraphs could be merged, and the sentences restructured. I'd split the last sentence of the 4th, since you're talking about both the division and a brigade at the same time. Add in that the division was alerted for the 1990-91 Gulf War, to add some chronology.
The following paragraphs with the 81st Brigade seem to jump about a bit.
Where did the 199th Light Brigade go, and was it still motorized when it was deployed? Perhaps add something to its description.
Sorry if I seem pedantic, I used to be an editor.
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Pedantic is good, I appreciate the effort in reading and finding
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