OT: Dying Here

[Webstral]

I'm a little more than halfway through my student teaching, and I'm dying here. For those who aren't familiar with the nuts-and-bolts of the teaching profession, a student teacher is a cross between a new teacher and a substitute. In many ways, it's the worst of both worlds. I borrow three classes total from two other teachers. I teach, but within their framework. I instruct, but the culture of the classroom already exists. I don't have ownership, but unlike a substitute I don't walk away at the end of the day. I have plenty of work to do, but I have neither desk nor filing system nor real control over anything. I'm an unpaid apprentice. For someone who has run his own show for three years, this is very trying.

Then there's the graduate work on top of the school work. Then there's the fact that I have a two year-old and a newborn at home. My wife, who is playing host to a seven week-old girl, also has been putting in about 35 hours a week from home. Until last week, she has been unable to pick up any of the slack at home. This week, she has been able to do things like the dishes, etc. However, she's still up most of the night with a wailing infant; therefore, she's pretty exhausted during the day and just barely able to survive the two work days per week my son is home with her.

Then there's the fact that one of my English classes is populated by the bottom-of-the-barrel students of the school. The class is called "college prep". I don't know what college these kids are prepping for, although I don't doubt some will be accepted into for-profit colleges and go massively into debt before being kicked out for sheer sloth and academic inability. I haven't been exposed to the "I dare you to teach me" crowd in numbers greater than ones and twos. I can't say I get any joy out of teaching this group.

I long to produce some material for Twilight: 2000. I want to get back to Thunder Empire, and I want to write a piece for an exciting megapunk idea I've had for about a year. A pocket of southern New Hampshire is the hunting grounds for a brutally effective symbotic partnership between two megapunk groups called Heaven's Serpents and the Zombies. These groups operate during the day and night, respectively. They have absorbed or destroyed every other gang in their area of operation, and they are about to challenge the other local powers in the area: Nashua, Manchester, and First District. Ah, to have the time!


Webstral

[atiff]

Originally Posted by Webstral

...nor real control over anything.

You only ever have real control over one thing, and that is yourself and your own actions. That both sucks and is empowering at the same time

I've been teaching for a number of years, although never as a student teacher, but I have some empathy with your views. If you want the prize, set the jaw, shoulder to the wheel, and push through it; it's about all anyone can do at times.

Then there's the graduate work on top of the school work. Then there's the fact that I have a two year-old and a newborn at home.
.....
Then there's the fact that one of my English classes is populated by the bottom-of-the-barrel students of the school..... I can't say I get any joy out of teaching this group.

I long to produce some material for Twilight: 2000....

Set a goal, and start a countdown. Celebrate each day that is taking you closer to this goal. How do you eat an elephant?

[Grimace]

My best friend went through what you're going through, and I still remember the hell that he experienced. He's a Marine and he told me after finishing his Masters in teaching that it sucked big time compared to the Marines.

He also had an evil Masters professor (can't remember the title of the person...something like sponsor or some such) that seemed to want him to fail as a teacher. So while he didn't have kids, he had other stresses heaped upon him.

It ain't easy. It ain't fun. I definitely feel for ya, as I saw what it did to him while he was going through it. I can't imagine how draining it must be having kids at the same time.

The only thing I can suggest is to focus on something, one thing, that can bring you through this. Also, I know it's trying for both you and your wife, but make sure you take some time to keep your wife in the loop. It's straining for you both, so don't forget to do a little extra to make sure you impress on her that you appreciate her through all this. Sure, you feel you're going through it too so she should appreciate you too, but it's the mindset. A person can't really "quit" children, you can a college class. So find something that you can focus on for a drive to finish the class and get your Masters. Just don't lose what you have now while you're doing it.

Also, student teaching is a completely thankless job. You do a ton of work, get no credit, get all the grief AND have to do your studies. Just think to what you'll be able to do once you throw the yoke of student teaching off and have your own class.

Hang in there!

[rcaf_777]

Both me and Canadain Army feel for you as our wifes are teachers, graduated from the same class too.

[Raellus]

Hang in there, Web. I can definitely empathize with you. I've been teaching public school secondary history for just about 9 years now and I've got young kids of my own as well. Between the two, life can get pretty exhausting. If you love the actual teaching part, stick with it; there's nothing quite like it. If, on the other hand, you're not enjoying that part, you may want to seriously consider bailing out now. In a lot of ways, it doesn't get much easier. Education is, at the same time, one of the most rewarding, and least rewarding careers out there. The rewarding part is watching that proverbial lightbulb go off over your students' heads and knowing that you played a part in it. There's nothing quite like when a student tells you how you make learning fun or that they've never liked history before but do now. On the other hand, the pay sucks, politicians will throw stones at you, the public thinks you've got a cake job (get off of work at 3pm, long summer vacations, etc.), and, let's face it, kids can be jerks sometimes.

If there's anything I can do to help you get through this rough patch, don't hesitate to PM me.

[Adm.Lee]

Being a stay-at-home dad and part-time babysitter, I actually have more sympathy for your wife's situation. Remind yourself and her, that the littlest ones do grow up soon, and (usually) settle into useful sleep patterns. (You've got one already, you probably know that already.) Every stage brings on its own challenges, but each stage also ends. You both can get through this.

To quote Winston Churchill:"When you find yourself going through hell, keep on going."

[Webstral]

Thanks for the support and kind words, gentlemen.

Ian