OT - 50 Ways to Kill Major Po

[Cdnwolf]

Harder to kill then Chuck Norris and cockroaches....

How would you get rid of Major Po?

Some suggestions included the Nova Bomb from Starship Trooper, a nuke bomb or someones mother-in-laws meatloaf special...

[Legbreaker]

Firstly I think we need a detailed description and history (including medical) of the character in question....
Sledge hammers are all well and good (and a potential contender), but subtlty is key in my book.

:D

[Cdnwolf]

I just realized something... he will be just like those guys in the slasher films - Freddy or Jason... no matter how many times you kill him... there is always another sequel around the corner...

Be afraid... very afraid!!

[pmulcahy11b]

How about a night of particularly bad gas from Sam (one of my dogs)?

[pmulcahy11b]

Firstly I think we need a detailed description and history (including medical) of the character in question....
Sledge hammers are all well and good (and a potential contender), but subtlty is key in my book.

:D

Sledge hammers -- yes! In particular, Maxwell's Silver Hammer!

[Cdnwolf]

Sledge hammers -- yes! In particular, Maxwell's Silver Hammer!



Basta .... now I can't get thats stupid song out of my head!

[headquarters]

have Po and the nemesis chase eachother in big trucks with cargo of 10 000 l tank of gas on one and 10 000 kg of HE munitions on the other , and shoot at eachother with rpgs while doing 70 miles an hour in traffic.

[copeab]

"The problem is all inside your head", she said to me
The answer is easy if you take it logically
I'd like to help you in your struggle to be free
There must be fifty ways to kill Major Po

Are we going to set this to the tune of Paul Simon's "50 Ways To Leave Your Lover"?

[pmulcahy11b]

How about worse than death -- give him a permanent demotion to buck private!

[Cdnwolf]

How about worse than death -- give him a permanent demotion to buck private!

Now that is cruel!!

[pmulcahy11b]

Now that is cruel!!

Even worse -- take all his stuff and make him into a Po'boy...OK, that was a bad pun.

[MajorPo]

I don't know....
You work hard trying to save the world, and this is the thanks you get!

Just because some narrow minded, short sighted souls can't understand the long game, can't see the big picture. I mean sure take any one atrocity out of context and yeah I might seem like a monster, but ultimately it's all for the best!

You can't make omelettes without breaking a few eggs ;)

[Cdnwolf]

I don't know....
You work hard trying to save the world, and this is the thanks you get!

Just because some narrow minded, short sighted souls can't understand the long game, can't see the big picture. I mean sure take any one atrocity out of context and yeah I might seem like a monster, but ultimately it's all for the best!

You can't make omelettes without breaking a few eggs ;)

You know deep down we all love you! (Now take a few steps to your left... a few more... just a little bit more... perfect!!)

[General Pain]

I don't know....
You work hard trying to save the world, and this is the thanks you get!

Just because some narrow minded, short sighted souls can't understand the long game, can't see the big picture. I mean sure take any one atrocity out of context and yeah I might seem like a monster, but ultimately it's all for the best!

You can't make omelettes without breaking a few eggs ;)

General Pain suffered the same kind of narrow minded criticism.

[headquarters]

When faced with the possibility of being held as accomplices to all of Po`s many atrocities ( indeed-they did participate and abet) , his closes cohorts decide to make a deal with the enemy .As long as they recieve immunity that is.Maybe some personal issues have arisen too? A spurned lover?An ambitious ally?Someone that just feels Po takes them for granted and want to make a point ? Unpaid Poker debts? Po snores to loudly when the staff are on prolonged ops/exercises in the war room ? Plain old mortal fear for the bad ass psycho he is ?

Po and anyone else that is demanded extradited/ndisliked is drugged with an incapacitating drug and left in a forward position to be collected by special forces from the other side ,that will spearhead a push into that sector.

It will seem that the incident took place as a random event in the big picture.

By letting Po be captured in combat like this the plotters can have some sort of deniability and maybe retain control over parts of the unit hierarchy under Pos control / perhaps avoid vengance from Po`s loyalists.

The GM should of course let Po wake up -dazed and groggy - in the outpost before the arrival of the SF out to apprehend him , but after the place is completely surrounded .

The plotters all fearful have left some gear behind in their hurry -like the outposts AA gun,ammo for it ,maybe a M2HB and some small arms that are kept in ready racks they overlooked etc .

The monster shootout of the century should then ensue as the SF set up a perimeter and breach the compound with their snatch teams all hot for an arrest .

If they cant make it ,the regular troops in the area should be called in to reinforce the effort.I am thinking company sized attacks.
:)

good times.

[headquarters]

nevertheless -here is yet a variation:

Po decides to guard a valuable shipment of fuel and ammo personally due to suspicions of someone boosting it -an insider maybe ?

The ship is underway when rough weather hits it - not long after boarding crews assault the vessel -maybe after a firefight with shipboard weapons such as AA guns,missiles or heavy cal cannon.Fires and leaks and tremendous casualties later - Po is trapped on a vessel taking in water with several fires and a couple of death squads mopping up for the salvage crew that is coming over .

The boarders are the guys after the load and they want to try to stop the ship sinking and put out the fires ( and stop ammo from going up )-but if they learn anyone is still alive they will try to kill him/her at almost any cost .

Lots of CQB,swimming through submerged hallways while fighting bad guys with knives,exploding ammo,burning fuel flowing on the surface on the water etc etc

an intersting fight to run as you can have a map that is changing as water fills bulkheads or areas catch fire etc

dang - I got to use this one myself...

[pmulcahy11b]

General Pain suffered the same kind of narrow minded criticism.

I've heard that upon his death, General Pain suffered some general pain...:p

[headquarters]

I've heard that upon his death, General Pain suffered some general pain...:p

I remember back when he was just a Major Pain:D

[Cpl. Kalkwarf]

Accidentally scratches himself on a rusty nail in a rubble building and dies of gangrene a couple of days later. Doctors misdiagnose it.


Shot buy a punk with a .25 cal pocket pistol over a loss in a card game. Lucky shot, crit to the head.

[Legbreaker]

Catches swine or bird flu. Dies a slow and horrible death a few weeks later (possibly at own hand to put himself out of hs misery).

:D

[pmulcahy11b]

Catches swine or bird flu. Dies a slow and horrible death a few weeks later (possibly at own hand to put himself out of hs misery).

:D

Catches swine or bird flu. Turns into a pig or a bird within a few weeks.:devil2:

[pmulcahy11b]

Goes to sleep, and gets smothered by a Blanket...

[copeab]

Chokes on a concubine.

[WallShadow]

Forced to listen to a Slim Whitman (anything)/Minnie Riperton "loving You"/Captain and Tennille "Muskrat Love" sound loop until he tears his own leg off and beats himself to death with it to escape the sound....:eek:

[Targan]

Goes to sleep, and gets smothered by a Blanket...

That was always a risk with The Blanket. Because it was a malfunctioning alien artifact there was a chance whenever it was low on charge that it would "eat" (entirely consume) whoever was put inside it. Whenever Po noticed signs that The Blanket was sluggish and probably low on charge he would put injured prisoners in it. If it healed them he would re-injure them and put them back in until it ate them, becoming recharged in the process.

There were many occasions when Po's senior subordinates (the few that were aware of The Blanket and its nature) could have chosen not to use it to heal Po. Strangely they never did.

[Brother in Arms]

a genetically modified and horribly incurable STI !

[pmulcahy11b]

a genetically modified and horribly incurable STI !

It turns him into a woman!

[pmulcahy11b]

Give him the Wild Card virus, and turn him into a Joker.

[copeab]

Give him a ticket to fly on Oceanic 815.

[pmulcahy11b]

Give him a ticket to fly on Oceanic 815.

I must be out of the loop; I don't understand that reference.

[kato13]

I must be out of the loop; I don't understand that reference.

Think it is from the TV show "Lost".

[copeab]

I must be out of the loop; I don't understand that reference.

TV show _Lost_. The plane that crashed on the island in season 1 was Oceanic 815.

Brandon

[Targan]

a genetically modified and horribly incurable STI !

He only had one sexual partner during the entire campaign and she was a quite chaste Chinese-American girl who served as his radio operator.

[Targan]

Give him a ticket to fly on Oceanic 815.

Before the war Po was in the top 100 wealthiest men in the USA. He would have flown on his Lear Jet.

[pmulcahy11b]

Before the war Po was in the top 100 wealthiest men in the USA. He would have flown on his Lear Jet.

Have him find out all his fortune is now worthless, and have him take a header out of skyscraper...wait, too 1920s.

[Targan]

Have him find out all his fortune is now worthless, and have him take a header out of skyscraper...wait, too 1920s.

It was Po's realisation that his fortune was now mostly worthless that caused him to have such hatred for CivGov (who he blamed for America's involvement in the war). I think he wanted to regain some of his lost power and he thought that he might have been able to do that through MilGov. However, by the end of the campaign he had started to harbour bad feelings towards MilGov too after the DIA hinted that they might have been holding his granny in "protective custody".

[headquarters]

Lets say the situation in the PA US simmers down and stabilizes .Some order and conveniences are returned to parts of the land ...

..captured in combat or by betrayal -Po faces the fight of his life as the XXX-Gov judicial system puts on a show for the populace -the trial of Po for murder, war crimes,treason,sedition,arson,loitering etc etc

The potential punishment : public execution by hanging.

Po -of course -opts to defend himself in the broadcasted trial that the XXXGovs bigwigs hope will mend the broken American heart by providing it with a scapegoat and fallguy in the first of a series of public trials that are meant to mend the wounds after years of anarchy and civil war.

( A cool way to go down memory lane to have the prosecution go over everything they have on him and bring out old NPCs etc to testify ).

Po-of course have some cards up his sleeve I am sure - and the trial could get lively.

Sentenced and executed or shot while trying to escape ,lynched by an angry mob,suicide in his cell ..the possibilities are many .

[Targan]

Actually Headquarters you have come up with the most likely and realistic scenario for Major Po's death. It would help if MilGov induced some senior members of Po's unit to help capture him. Definitely a possibility. There was quite a bit of political infighting in my campaign among the MilGov top brass on the US east coast, particularly between the senior officers who returned from Europe with the Omega fleet and the senior MilGov commanders at Norfolk. If the European returnee brass eventually fell out of favour or were otherwise sidelined, Po would have lost a lot of his strongest protection.

[headquarters]

Actually Headquarters you have come up with the most likely and realistic scenario for Major Po's death. It would help if MilGov induced some senior members of Po's unit to help capture him. Definitely a possibility. There was quite a bit of political infighting in my campaign among the MilGov top brass on the US east coast, particularly between the senior officers who returned from Europe with the Omega fleet and the senior MilGov commanders at Norfolk. If the European returnee brass eventually fell out of favour or were otherwise sidelined, Po would have lost a lot of his strongest protection.


I do like thinking up ways to kill tweh PCs.

Now -combine said trial with a daring escape attempt and my first suggestion - the carchase with 10 000 l tank trucks with av gas that thunder down the highway and try to blow eachother to bits by lobbing quick shots with rpgs with one hand while steering the rig in 120 km /hr with the other .Major Po in one -and the ruthles prosecutor with political ambition and his top dog SF hound in teh other...throw in a few milgov columns that get in the way ,herd of sheep,some MPs in jeeps..a roadblock...

I could go on

:D

But why kill him ?

Imean -the death of long time ambitious ruler, evil megalomaniac and regional strongman General Pain was quite the little blow to our campaign imho.
(His co-warlords might not think so , butthey are all but one dead,retired with severe disabilities or mental illnesses.. so who cares what that bunch of criminally insane mass murderers think ) .

What about said trial..fake execution and then the deepest ,darkest dungeon available until he is once more needed..?

(Sean Connerys char in "the Rock" )

Not dead-not alive either as far as anyone knows..

[Owen E Oulton]

Ah, let's go all out: Head-shot with a silver bullet, wooden stake through his heart, hack his head off and fill his mouth with garlic, burn his body, sift the ashes, piss in them and drop them into a live volcano. If he survives that, have Chuck Norris spin-kick his face to guacamole.

[Jason Weiser]

Our method I thought worked alright...though perhaps having Brittany Spears shoot him was a bit much....there was a lot of contemplation over beer on that one...

[Targan]

Our method I thought worked alright...though perhaps having Brittany Spears shoot him was a bit much....there was a lot of contemplation over beer on that one...

The player of Po has read your take on Po's death and he loved it. That's a pretty good endorsement.