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-   -   OT - Friday funny stuff (http://forum.juhlin.com/showthread.php?t=387)

Legbreaker 11-28-2012 08:12 PM

I received this email just a few minutes ago.
Quote:

If you had bought $1,000.00 of Qantas shares one year ago, You would have $49.00 today!

If you bought $1,000.00 AIG shares one year ago, You would have $33.00 today!

If you bought $1,000.00 worth of Lehman Brothers shares one year ago, You would have $0.00 today!

BUT.... If you purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, Drank all the beer, then returned the aluminium cans for recycling....
YOU WOULD HAVE RECEIVED $214.00!!!

BASED ON THE ABOVE, THE BEST CURRENT INVESTMENT PLAN IS TO DRINK HEAVILY AND RECYCLE!

AND, DID YOU KNOW...

A recent study found that the average Aussie walks 900 MILES A YEAR!!!

Another study found that Aussies drink, on average, 22 GALLONS OF ALCOHOL A YEAR!!!

THAT MEANS THAT, ON AVERAGE, AUSSIES GET ..... 41 MILES TO THE GALLON.

MAKES YOU PROUD TO BE AN AUSSIE" DOESN'T IT?

Legbreaker 09-14-2015 11:12 PM

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pmulcahy11b 09-15-2015 07:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Odie (Post 42382)
More Funnies

I had that same triangle problem in high school. I put the right answer, but on the downslope I drew a stick figure walking away from his car, which was smoking.

pmulcahy11b 09-15-2015 07:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by General Pain (Post 27528)

I'd like to know what he's using for his trigger finger...

Legbreaker 11-19-2015 04:33 AM

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LT. Ox 11-19-2015 07:16 AM

Sick humor
 
I must tell you that is the wors.......... Ah hell I go to have some integrity
I love it

Legbreaker 03-12-2016 06:35 PM

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Legbreaker 04-05-2016 06:20 PM

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Legbreaker 12-29-2017 03:40 AM

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swaghauler 01-03-2018 05:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Legbreaker (Post 42283)
Just in time for Christmas.
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Leg;

Some constructive criticism here. You need to make a couple of changes but as a "machinegun tourist" I'll still take two tickets.

The first change you have to make is to move the Captain's .50 caliber machineguns down to the rail. There are at least a dozen Class 3 Gun Rental dealerships that will let you do a "mad minute" on a .50 or a minigun so this isn't enough of a "treat" to merit a "Captain's Gun Mount."

I'd suggest dual 40mm Bofors Autocannon. These are rare enough to be a true "treat" for a "machinegun tourist" (Knob Creek is the only place I've ever seen this offered to the public). You could do TWO mounts, one for the "Captain's Crew" and the other headed by a "Featured Entertainer" headlining on the cruise (for some reason Ted Nugent comes to mind immediately). They could compete to see who sinks a pirate "Mothership" first.

swaghauler 01-03-2018 05:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Legbreaker (Post 76671)

I just watched Air America again (after MANY YEARS) and this post kind of reminds me of the opening scene with the farmer and his Mosin. ONE SHOT and he downs a C130.

Who could ever forget the "Golden BB?"

Legbreaker 11-13-2019 07:00 PM

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pmulcahy11b 11-14-2019 08:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by swaghauler (Post 76742)
I just watched Air America again (after MANY YEARS) and this post kind of reminds me of the opening scene with the farmer and his Mosin. ONE SHOT and he downs a C130.

Who could ever forget the "Golden BB?"

That reminds me of one of the early scenes in Flight of the Intruder (and in the book) where the hero's A-6 goes flying by over a rice paddy, low but fast, and a farmer with some ancient rifle (didn't even look as "new" as a Mosin-Nagant) took a pot shot and hits the WSO in the head...

StainlessSteelCynic 11-15-2019 04:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pmulcahy11b (Post 82447)
That reminds me of one of the early scenes in Flight of the Intruder (and in the book) where the hero's A-6 goes flying by over a rice paddy, low but fast, and a farmer with some ancient rifle (didn't even look as "new" as a Mosin-Nagant) took a pot shot and hits the WSO in the head...

Harry Turtledove uses the same idea in one of the books of his Worldwar series (maybe he took inspiration from Flight of the Intruder?), someone takes a shot using their mid-20th Century rifle at one of the alien aircraft and shoots it down. The pilot finds it quite surprising because he believed in the total superiority of the alien tech compared to the tech of the "primitive" humans.
It goes on to say something like a low chance of success does not equal no chance for success. So yeah, while it's improbable, it is not impossible... which is seems to be the exact reason that we used to be taught to mass fire our (at the time, 7.62mm NATO) rifles at enemy aircraft if they were attacking us.

Legbreaker 11-22-2019 04:09 AM

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pmulcahy11b 11-23-2019 04:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by swaghauler (Post 76742)

Who could ever forget the "Golden BB?"

Just as long as you don't get hit by a Golden Bullet. Totally different, and infinitely worse...

swaghauler 12-04-2019 07:31 PM

So True! A more accurate representation of how different MOS fields are treated in the US military.

https://youtu.be/bQPtWrK145w

swaghauler 12-04-2019 07:32 PM

had to laugh at this one too. Uncle Sam has you Neo!

https://youtu.be/Cx68nNy9WPk

Legbreaker 12-04-2019 07:45 PM

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Legbreaker 12-05-2019 06:43 AM

The President is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.
'Hallo, Mr. President !' a heavily accented voice said. 'This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you! We voted to reject the Lisbon treaty!'
'Well Paddy, Mr. President replied. How big is your army?'
'Right now,' says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, 'there is myself, me Cousin Sean, me next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eleven!'
Mr. President paused. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command.'
'Begorra!' says Paddy. 'I'll have to ring you back.'
Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. 'Mr. President, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!'
'And what equipment would that be Paddy?' Mr. President asks.
'Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor.'
Mr. President sighs amused. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke.'
'Saints preserve us!' says Paddy. 'I'll have to get back to you.'
Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. 'Mr. President , the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!'
Mr. President was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided,surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!'
'Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!' says Paddy, 'I will have to ring you back.'
Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. 'Top o' the mornin', Mr. President ! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war.'
Really? I am sorry to hear that,' says Mr. President . 'Why the sudden change of heart?'
'Well,' says Paddy, 'we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness and packets of crisps, and we decided there is no f****n' way we can feed 200,000 prisoners.'

Legbreaker 12-05-2019 06:45 AM

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pmulcahy11b 12-05-2019 10:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Legbreaker (Post 82541)
The President is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.
'Hallo, Mr. President !' a heavily accented voice said. 'This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you! We voted to reject the Lisbon treaty!'
'Well Paddy, Mr. President replied. How big is your army?'
'Right now,' says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, 'there is myself, me Cousin Sean, me next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eleven!'
Mr. President paused. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command.'
'Begorra!' says Paddy. 'I'll have to ring you back.'
Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. 'Mr. President, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!'
'And what equipment would that be Paddy?' Mr. President asks.
'Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor.'
Mr. President sighs amused. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke.'
'Saints preserve us!' says Paddy. 'I'll have to get back to you.'
Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. 'Mr. President , the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!'
Mr. President was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided,surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!'
'Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!' says Paddy, 'I will have to ring you back.'
Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. 'Top o' the mornin', Mr. President ! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war.'
Really? I am sorry to hear that,' says Mr. President . 'Why the sudden change of heart?'
'Well,' says Paddy, 'we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness and packets of crisps, and we decided there is no f****n' way we can feed 200,000 prisoners.'

Kind of reminds me of that exchange at Arnhem Bridge in A Bridge Too Far. (May not be correct from the movie).

German: We would like you to come over and discuss terms of surrender.
British Para (Outnumbered 5-to-1 by the Germans, including armored Vehicles): I'm sorry, but we don't have the facilities to accept your surrender at this time.
German: (Looks very confused, as if he didn't understand what the Para was saying, then shrugs his shoulders and walks away)

swaghauler 12-12-2019 08:56 PM

Manny Mansfield is back with another informative video...

https://youtu.be/kgHhnPhv2bU

swaghauler 01-21-2020 07:04 PM

"Wanna Box For That?"
 
It seems like a simple question until it's not!

https://youtu.be/aGsjrPsKnUQ

swaghauler 02-18-2020 11:24 AM

People You See On The Range
 
This is so true!

https://youtu.be/4g5p6b-ZZ5Y

Legbreaker 02-04-2021 03:18 PM

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swaghauler 05-28-2021 01:39 PM

So you think you're cool? You'll NEVER be cooler than a tattooed guy with a mohawk wearing a leather kilt playing ACDC's Thunderstruck on a set of bagpipes that double as a FLAMETHROWER! :D

https://youtu.be/K-Op1Mng4oY

swag.


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