Real end of the world disaster... No more twinkies!!
 

The world is mourning the news that Hostess Brands Inc., maker of the iconic comfort sweets Twinkies, Ding Dongs, Snowball Cakes and Ho Hos, plans to shut down. As expected, social networks have spiraled into full-fledged panic mode, with nostalgic shoppers racing to stores to stockpile the plastic-wrapped snacks. After all, Twinkies basically last forever, right?

It's a common urban legend that the "golden sponge cake with creamy filling" has an absurdly long shelf life--in Disney's WALL-E, a Twinkie is found completely undecayed, 700 years after the Earth is deemed uninhabitable. And once, a science teacher in Maine kept an unwrapped Twinkie atop his chalkboard for 30 years, telling the Associated Press, "It's rather brittle, but if you dusted it off, it's probably still edible."


BUT THERE IS HOPE!!!


Twinkies are still produced in Canada by Saputo Incorporated's Vachon Inc., which owns the Canadian rights for the product from Hostess and not affected by the actions state side

I blame CivGov!

The DIA station chief in Toronto is currently trying to steal the recipe from the closing plant by bribing the chef, but what he doesn't know is that the GRU has dispatched a spetnaz team, disguised as the Royal Canadian Mounted Police with truck scales to stop the twinkee trucks and steal samples.

Meanwhile, the KGB is planning to assassinate everyone that's ever read the ingredients on a twinkee (since they can't have them, no one can) MI5 has indentified a spy, from Wojo's armaments is going to make Wojokees. The CIA is behind the other agencies because the agency head was busy sending 200+ emails a day to middle aged cougars and mistakenly thought the rush was for ding-dongs, which no one cares about, except for the secret police in Zaire.

I'm confused. If Twinkies are such an awesome snack (they certainly seem pretty popular with the American and Canadian members of this board) why is the manufacturer going under?

Probably mis-management. In the US between healthcare costs, cost of living, and taxes you've got to run a sharp buisiness. Its hard to be a manufacturer.

Good, but I don't see a rush of alcohol fueled LAV75's involved. REDO.

Before I post this, I want to say that the following is highly politicized (in terms of labor v. right-to-work negotiations, etc.) because the whole situation is - I am not spoiling for a politics fight.

The union that works the Hostess/Merita Bread etc. plants basically pushed for a bargaining agreement that at the end of the day was ultimately unsustainable. Management told the employees recently that if things continued on like this, it would trigger a company shutdown, and that they (the employees) would have to give up elements of the bargaining agreement, but if they didn't and went on strike, the company could basically cease to exist fiscally because what the Union wanted wasn't monetarily sustainable nor responsible.

The Union's response was "Oh yeah? You don't have the guts to let the company go down!"

...

and here we are, one dead corporation later.

*corrected*

The DIA station chief in Toronto is currently trying to steal the recipe from the closing plant by bribing the chef, but what he doesn't know is that the GRU has dispatched a spetnaz team, disguised as the Royal Canadian Mounted Police with truck scales to stop the twinkee trucks and steal samples.

Meanwhile, the KGB is planning to assassinate everyone that's ever read the ingredients on a twinkee (since they can't have them, no one can) and MI5 has identified a spy, from Wojo's armaments, who is going to make Wojokies in a garage shop in Krakow for a fraction of the cost. The CIA is behind the other agencies because the agency head was busy sending 200+ emails a day to middle aged cougars and mistakenly thought the rush was for ding-dongs, which no one cares about, except for the secret police in Zaire.

Elsewhere, because the DIA refused to tell anyone of their efforts, the commander of the local Vermont National Guard 86th Armored Brigade chooses to invade Canada. A column of M60A3s from the armory front lawn and experimental LAV75s cross the border, fueled by alcohol from vermonts plentyful cornfields.

A battle unfolds as the tankers see a twinkie truck on a scale and get into a shoot out with the RCMP clad spetnaz, however the only casualties are the cream fillings and a scale, crushed by an untrained LAV driver.

Meanwhile, no one from the Canadian army responds to the armored invasion as they have females in their units, its shower time on the training schedule, and a twinkie can not compare the other wholesome goodness of the Canadian army.

Okay, that's much better. :)

Twilight 2000 without armor is like a day without sunshine :D

You know, the day they drove our M1s away I actually had to fight back the tears. No joke.

I gave up all those sort of foods and snacks about four months ago in a (continuing) effort to reverse my expanding belly and butt. I miss them, but I've lost 10 pounds so far...

Sounds like a fried Twinkie (I'm NOT joking -- there are lots of people in the US that fry Twinkies!)

Paul is absolutely correct. Go to most State Fairs these days and you will probably find the following items that are fried.

Turkey Legs
Hershey Bars
Chicken Fried Bacon
Avocado
Spaghetti and Meatballs (THis from Minesota)
Coca Cola (Texas)
Jambalaya (Texas)
Twinkies

And the list goes on and on and on......

My $0.02

Mike

Hey, the first place I heard of fried mars bars was from Scotland - the people with the worst diets in all of europe, I'm told.

Hey, what's not to like about haggis?

:D

mean while a small squad of dismounts broke into the hostess factory and stole not only the recipe but also 5 crates of the last production run loaded them into a "liberated" civilian transport and are currently auctioning off the recipe.

currently the highest bid is from the KGB for $100,000,00.51

Never did like Twinkies. Hohos were good, and their cupcakes. Didn't like the bread. Who whats bread that will melt in your mouth? IMO, no loss, except for the 1800 plus employees. There's two sides to every story though and I fear this is but the first such we shall see in the coming months.

Add on: However the company is for sale if the bankruptcy courts allow it, so portions of the company will probably survive in some fashion.

Hmmmm our local survival outfitter store has suddenly announced they are closing... getting ready for the end of the world maybe?

I have to admit I've never liked Twinkies either. But I did look for a box last night, thinking of speculative investing. Shelves at the local Target were already bare of Hostess.

Homer Simpson deep fried his shirt at his State Fair

It has come to this...

http://www.ebay.com/itm/Hostess-Twin...-/271105156085

More money than brains for sure.

"I didn't say they couldn't I said you shouldn't!"

We used to say that Twinkies would survive the nuclear holocaust (and keep the cockroaches and Keith Richards alive...).

Now we see that there will be no more Twinkies before the End of the World. The Mayans were right!

If any of you know what Zerohedge is they've done some good write ups on the situation. Bad managers, changing tastes and notably underfunded or untenable pensions killed the company.

I've never ever liked Twinkies, Ding Ding yeah, cupcakes yeah, Womder Bread hell no. When I was a kid wonder bread was for people who didn't know what bread was.

It would be interesting if Mexicos Bimbo bought right to Ding Dongs. Then you could tell people you like cream filled Bimbo Ding Dong. Hahah. Sorry I know that's bad.

someone in that equation had brains. the guys running 10 auctions like that.:D
thats a good return on investment.

Bimbo Ding Dongs...if you have a really dirty mind, you could probably think of a way to give that another meaning...;)

I can't possibly imagine what you mean... :cool:

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Dammit!
Lost my halo again!