One REFORGER, my squadron was on its why back to the ole kaserne looking forward to getting really clean again and enjoying hot food when we got orders to join a field exercise. It seems that somebody in VIII Corps Headquarters thought it would be a good idea to take a brigade from 3ID, a squadron from 2ACR and send us south of Munich into the German II Corps area to play games with thier 4PGD.
For much of my career, I've been armored or scouts and had never had to work with mech inf, so this was a new experience...and one that I never wanted to have again.
The officer in question was a Lieutenant Colonel Reynolds or "BIG SIX" as he liked to be called on the radio...he even had it mounted on a holder on the front of his jeep. And Big Six was the biggest, baddest battalion commander to ever be graced with the position. That's right, a real legend in his own mind!
Our troop was pulled into an admin position because of our having taken part in REFORGER and having been entrained for the last nine hours. We needed the time to pull maintenance, and catch up on food/sleep and we were placed there while the rest of the squadron was arriving.
The first time I saw Big Dick was when his jeep, with an honest-to-god-no-lie-GI siren blaring pulled into our area. Big Dick hopped out of his jeep wearing a patent-leather belt with holster with some nickel-plated pos shoved in. Spit-shined boots, starched BDUs and parka and wearing a M-1 helmet liner (the rest of us were wearing kevlar) that must have had thirty coats of ole Mop-And-Glow for that deep shine gave fair warning of what we were about to endure.
You guessed it sport fans!
The Big Dick wanted to conduct an inspection of every vehicle, weapon, protective mask, CEOI, and piece of classified gear that we had. Big Dick, followed by his aide, a 1st Lt, dressed just like dad and carrying a nice little book to note every word his god uttered proceeded, to rip every trooper a new one! Everything from boots not being shined to his battalion standards, to uniforms needing to be washed, dirty vehicles, troopers not in proper uniform, unauthorized flags on the vehicles right on down to rusty end connectors on the tanks. For the next five hours the Big Dick strutted around, followed by his aide, taking names and threatening Article 15s left and right.
While this dog-and-pony show was going on, the remainder of the 3rd Squadron pulled into the siding and started to unload.
Our troop commander was a damn-fine officer, but he was tied up trying to keep up with the BIG DICK. But the First Sergeant had the time to grab a CVC and entered the squadron command net and let them know who was present.
Our squadron commander had just made the list for O-6 and was waiting for the paperwork to process before he pinned his eagle on. He showed up, wearing mud splattered BDUs and a soft cap and walked up on Big Sick, just as he was dismounting my tank...and even now, I can still remember that moment.
The Big Dork stared at our boss and demanded why he didn't salute a superior officer. Our colonel carefully looked him up and down and replied "I'm waiting for the junior officer to remember proper military protocol" Our colonel had a certain style all his own, the more pissed off he was, the lower, quieter and more polite he became, by this time the troopers in the area were looking for cover because our boss was almost whispering.
I guess something in our colonel's eye finally caught the attention of Big Dickless because he finally asked just what our colonel's date of rank was....when he got the answer, this sort of sick-looking grin appeared on his face as he saluted and stuttered "I thought I was in charge of this operation." As our colonel dropped his salute, he whispered back "That's what you get for thinking colonel!"
Since I was standing at attention less than 3 feet away, our colonel looked at me "Sergeant, is your vehicle combat ready?" Of course I replied "YES SIR!!!!"
"Return to your duties then sergeant!" "ALWAYS READY SIR!!!" and I cracked a salute and retrograded out of the area.
The Big Dork then proceeded to get his tail end reemed by a cavalry Lieutenant Colonel, promotable, a graduate of the Citadel, a combat vet of the Black Horse and an expert in tearing a new asshole in his victim while never raising his voice and never cursing.
Too bad I didn't have a camcorder, could have won $10,000 on america's funnest videos...or an even larger fortune selling copies to my squadron!!!!!
