Well, it turns out that the Rupture didn't occur on time due to an error. Most likely involving the drinking of tea leaves instead of reading the tea leaves.
Instead, the Rapture has been rescheduled for October 21st, 2011 in order to give all of those sinners out there time to get their lives in order. The Family Network in no way recommends that its members max out their credit cards, sell off personnel belongings or incur huge debts, because, to be frank, this is the second time that they have made this claim and everybody is afraid of the "Strike Three! You're Out!" rule recently discovered in a tea bag reading held this weekend.
Since, as a former cavalry trooper, I do not have to worry about my entrance into heaven (Sorry Saint Peter....I've served my time in Hell!). I plan on sitting back on a sunny beach, with my family, and sipping cold drinks served in pineapples with those cute little umbrellas and watching the mayhem insure.
Happy October 21st, 2011 and if I owe you money....the check will be posted on the 22nd!
