Staff officers say the strangest things..... (UNCLASSIFIED) Part IV
"I just realized that this War on Terror might take a little longer than we thought, so I am developing a new system of hanging charts on walls to solve our problem and win the war." LTC (EUCOM) after a
review of long range Counter Terrorism (CT) plans
"Much work remains to be done before we can announce our total failure to make any progress."
"None of us is as dumb as all of us." Excerpted from a brief (EUCOM)
"Things are looking up for us here. In fact, Papua-New Guinea is thinking of offering two platoons: one of Infantry (headhunters) and one of engineers (hut builders). They want to eat any Iraqis they kill. We've got no issues with that, but State is being anal about it." LTC (JS) on OIF coalition-building
"It's not a lot of work unless you have to do it." LTC (EUCOM)
"I'm gonna have to leave work early today and probably stay home tomorrow. I'm fighting off a cold and I want to beat it before I start my leave in two days." MAJ (EUCOM)
"Creating smoking holes gives our lives meaning and enhances our manliness." LTC (EUCOM) at a CT conference
"Interagency is a process, not a noun." Anonymous (EUCOM)
"Eventually, we have to 'make nice' with the French, although, since I'm new in my job, I have every expectation that I'll be contradicted." DOS (Department of State) rep at a Counter Terrorism Conference
"Everyone should have an equal chance, but not everyone is equal."
"I am so far down the food chain that I've got plankton bites on my butt."
"You can get drunk enough to do most anything, but you have to realize going in that there are some things that, once you sober up and realize what you have done, will lead you to either grab a 12-gauge or
stay drunk for the rest of your life."
"Once you accept that a dog is a dog, you can't get upset when it barks." Lt Col (USSOCOM), excerpts
"That guy just won't take 'yes' for an answer." MAJ (EUCOM)
"Let's just call Lessons Learned what they really are: institutionalized scab picking."
"I can describe what it feels like being a Staff Officer in two words: distilled pain." CDR (NAVEUR)
"When all else fails, simply revel in the absurdity of it all." LCDR (CENTCOM)
"Never attribute to malice that which can be ascribed to sheer stupidity." LTC (CENTCOM)
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The reason that the American Army does so well in wartime, is that war is chaos, and the American Army practices chaos on a daily basis.
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