Reminds me of a joke in a Finnish TV-show in the 90ies.
A sports commentator is reading the sports news in the TV. "Kalina Kulakova and Raisa Smetanina fought. The quarrel begun, when Kulakova gave Smetanina a razor for birthday and Smetanina, angried by the gift, kicked Kulakova on - what's this? On the balls? Okay, I'm off to the pub..." 
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"Listen to me, nugget, and listen good. Don't go poppin' your head out like that, unless you want it shot off. And if you do get it shot off, make sure you're dead, because if you ain't, guess who's gotta drag your sorry ass off the field? Were short on everything, so the only painkiller I have comes in 9mm doses. Now get the hell out of my foxhole!" - an unknown medic somewhere, 2013.
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