The last decade saw a huge swing away from 9mmP to .40 cal S&W as the prefered "self-defense" caliber here in the U.S.A. There are "scientific" and opinion pieces ad-nauseum online supporting the latter as the better self-defense round. There are probably an equal number championing the 9mmP round. During this time, law enforcement, both federal and state migrated en masse to .40 cal S&W. It appears, however, that a swing back to 9mmP is underway. There are a couple of reasons why but one of them is apparently the stress that the 40mmS&W cartridge places on the working parts of most modern handguns. Slide cracks and other damage occurs in .40 cal S&W handguns much sooner than it does in those firing 9mmP. The U.S. Army has been looking, on and off, at potential replacements for the M9 pistol during this last decade, specifically at larger calibers, but the greater wear and tear exerted by .40 and .45 caliber rounds has, so far, held it back. We shall see.
I've only ever fired 9mm handguns so I can't personally comment as to felt recoil and controlability vis-a-vis other pistol calibers.
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