Thank you.. i know i have to stay for the boys, working harder and harder to be there for them when they need me. i know they want me, and that is what gives me hope and purpose. its just so damn hard being lone here in this apartment surrounded by all the memories of the only time in my life that i was actually happy and complete. i sleep with some of their stuffed animals that hadn't been shipped over to them yet.
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Fuck being a hero. Do you know what you get for being a hero? Nothing! You get shot at. You get a little pat on the back, blah blah blah, attaboy! You get divorced... Your wife can't remember your last name, your kids don't want to talk to you... You get to eat a lot of meals by yourself. Trust me kid, nobody wants to be that guy. I do this because there is nobody else to do it right now. Believe me if there was somebody else to do it, I would let them do it. There's not, so I'm doing it.
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