thank you for your kind words. i try to get out, i really do. i even walked to the walmart at the begining of July so i could get my VA disability check cashed so i could pay my rent. I still haven't rully recovered from that. but i was able to make a walk that use to take me 10 minutes that ended up taking an hour and half. but i did it. i love my boys, and i can't wait to be able to hold them again. my heart hurts so much, my arms ache to just hold them. when i was there in may, they where so loving. and they knew the last day.. they knew i was going back here. they didn't want to leave, they wanted to stay with me at their grandparents as long as they could. but emma wanted to go back home. jack said please come back soon. emma's mom said that the boys keep asking for me. she promised she wouldn't do this, she promised that she would try to make our marriage work out. but she lied. the only think keeping me going is the boys. all through my time at the VAMC in asheville that kept me going was the fact emma had called me when i came out of the coma and said she loved me, and wanted me there in the UK as soon as i could get on a plane. my docotrs and therapists thought i was pushing to hard because i had started walking on the parallel bars in October. something they said i shouldn't be starting until December at the earliest. all because she said that she loved me, and that she wanted me to get there as quickly as i could. after the accident when i was in Carolinas Medical Center, i went crazy because of all the different drugs they had given me. i didn't know who i was, didn't know who my mother was, but i knew who Emma and the boys where. every morning they kept asking me if i knew where i was. and when i asked why they kept asking me what country i was in, they said it was because i had thought i was in england and they had been keeping me away from my wife and boys. she promised she would never do this, because she knew how many times i had been hurt in the past. how many times i had been thrown away by those i loved. the only things i have loved that hasn't thrown me away has been God, my country and my Boys. they are the only ones who haven't thrown me away.
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Fuck being a hero. Do you know what you get for being a hero? Nothing! You get shot at. You get a little pat on the back, blah blah blah, attaboy! You get divorced... Your wife can't remember your last name, your kids don't want to talk to you... You get to eat a lot of meals by yourself. Trust me kid, nobody wants to be that guy. I do this because there is nobody else to do it right now. Believe me if there was somebody else to do it, I would let them do it. There's not, so I'm doing it.
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