[natehale1971]

I was injuried when i was in the service. but that's not the problems i'm having at the moment. Today (23 July) is exactly one year since the wreck that killed me happened. i had asked God as they took me from the ER to the OR "Please God, if my marriage isn't going to work out. Please don't let me wake up."

I died on the operating table, and twice more when i was in a week and half coma. They put me on life support, something everyone knew (because i have told them over and over again) that i NEVER wanted to be on life support. even if only for a second. I keep wondering if God said okay, but they intervered and brought me back. Everyone tells me that God has given me a second chance and that I shouldn't let it go to waste. I would never do anything stupid, because i don't want the boys to blame themselves or Emma for me killing myself.

My boys are 4 (Jack) and 2 (Zachary), and they know that their daddy loves them, and they want me to be there with them. But it's Emma who is keeping us apart. They remember who I am. Even after it had been a year since I had seen them last.

Being apart like this is killing me. this hurts worse than the pain from having the wreck. they put my legs back on, and put metal in my legs to hold the shattered bones together. And it hurts like you wouldn't believe. i take methadone and oxycodone for the pain. i even have to take muscle relaxants just to sleep without the muscles they put back together from jerking me so hard i fly out of my bed.

i still love her. and i feel so damn stupid. she promised she would never do something like this to me. she pomised.