thank you.
i miss my sons so damn bad, it hurts more than any other pain i have ever suffered. emma swore she would never do anything like this to me. that she would never throw me away.
it's been exactly one year ago since the wreck. one year ago exactly as i write this, i was brought out of the OR and slipped into a week and half long coma.
emma had called the hospital all through the day when i was in that coma. demanding to know how HER HUSBAND was doing, and why the doctors and nurses where not calling her to keep her informed of my status. when i woke from the coma, she called me and said she loved me, and wanted me to get well enough to get on a plane to get to her so she could take care of me.
but she has already found someone else. and the boys know i can't be there because of her and her new boyfriend. when i was there in may Jack asked if i was finally going to be staying, and i started crying and said no. he wiped my tears away and said "because of mummy and 'om."
my boysknow i love them. that i miss them. and they know its herfault that i cantbe there.
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Fuck being a hero. Do you know what you get for being a hero? Nothing! You get shot at. You get a little pat on the back, blah blah blah, attaboy! You get divorced... Your wife can't remember your last name, your kids don't want to talk to you... You get to eat a lot of meals by yourself. Trust me kid, nobody wants to be that guy. I do this because there is nobody else to do it right now. Believe me if there was somebody else to do it, I would let them do it. There's not, so I'm doing it.
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