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Old 07-23-2009, 07:15 PM
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natehale1971 natehale1971 is offline
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Monroe, NC, USA
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I was injuried when i was in the service. but that's not the problems i'm having at the moment. Today (23 July) is exactly one year since the wreck that killed me happened. i had asked God as they took me from the ER to the OR "Please God, if my marriage isn't going to work out. Please don't let me wake up."

I died on the operating table, and twice more when i was in a week and half coma. They put me on life support, something everyone knew (because i have told them over and over again) that i NEVER wanted to be on life support. even if only for a second. I keep wondering if God said okay, but they intervered and brought me back. Everyone tells me that God has given me a second chance and that I shouldn't let it go to waste. I would never do anything stupid, because i don't want the boys to blame themselves or Emma for me killing myself.

My boys are 4 (Jack) and 2 (Zachary), and they know that their daddy loves them, and they want me to be there with them. But it's Emma who is keeping us apart. They remember who I am. Even after it had been a year since I had seen them last.

Being apart like this is killing me. this hurts worse than the pain from having the wreck. they put my legs back on, and put metal in my legs to hold the shattered bones together. And it hurts like you wouldn't believe. i take methadone and oxycodone for the pain. i even have to take muscle relaxants just to sleep without the muscles they put back together from jerking me so hard i fly out of my bed.

i still love her. and i feel so damn stupid. she promised she would never do something like this to me. she pomised.
Fuck being a hero. Do you know what you get for being a hero? Nothing! You get shot at. You get a little pat on the back, blah blah blah, attaboy! You get divorced... Your wife can't remember your last name, your kids don't want to talk to you... You get to eat a lot of meals by yourself. Trust me kid, nobody wants to be that guy. I do this because there is nobody else to do it right now. Believe me if there was somebody else to do it, I would let them do it. There's not, so I'm doing it.
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