Full Disclosure

[kato13]

I had a much more strongly worded rant (It actually contained two uses of the F word) to the DC canon thread, but even though it contained the line

"See right now my brain is attempting to add my usual tact to this post now and it disgusts me that I would still even waste the time and energy it takes."

I was still overtaken by my internal desire for tact and civility so I deleted it and started this post.

Ok full disclosure because you guys deserve it.

I have for the last year been dealing with the continuing descent of a loved one into mental illness. While there have been periods of stabilization IMO the situation has continued to trend downward. As you can imagine this is an unbelievably taxing on me.

For a time this place was my oasis. Until one poster (whom I feel was motivated by personal animosity) decided to take things too far. To be honest I had already lost respect for that poster (which was a first on this board) in a previous discussion, so my feelings towards this poster are not from a knee-jerk defense of anyone.

I could have simply banned that one user (and lord knows I considered it), but my own internal code would rather push my own sanity to the brink than use that heavy handed form of censorship.

I tried (after much soul searching) with the Canon thread to remove a weapon that poster was using and which had driven away posters who were both prolific and still had my respect. It was not to elevate them to some sort of god status nor to say their work was "better" than any others. An imperfect solution, but something I hoped would bring peace and bring back several users from exile.

The fact my canon declaration has apparently driven away one of the posters I have the greatest respect for, wounds me even further. I'm actually tearing up as I type this (hey I said full disclosure)

Simply put due to massive drains on me physically, mentally and emotionally from my real world issues, I simply cannot waste any energy on fighting over what in the end is just fiction and a game.

In the "strongly worded" post I mentioned above, I was ready to walk away completely from this place. This post proves that deep down I don't want to do that. However I may have more long periods of absence if I feel I just can't take it any more.

I feel bad for the ultimatum but if you want me around, play as nice as you can. It is really that simple. As a man I hate admitting weakness, but I simply don't have the reserves in me to fight hard for this place right now. Other more important things need my attention and energy.

Felt you guys deserved the full unvarnished truth.

kato

[StainlessSteelCynic]

It's incredibly tough dealing with mental illness, one of my close friends has a sister suffering from longterm depression and his half-sister dealing with low self-esteem and a friend of us both committed suicide because he couldn't deal with his own depression.
I personally believe we need more people to talk openly about it in exactly the sort of way Paul Mulcahy has and indeed you have Kato. It seems that people are afraid of mental illness because they think that they can 'catch it' like a cold or something and so they always try to avoid and thus never seem to understand what it is. It's incredibly frustrating to hear people who have no idea say things like "It's all in their head" or "They should just get over it".

I don't really have much to say here except that your feelings are understandable and very much human. I believe most if not all, the people here have admiration and respect for you because you have made it clear on a previous thread that this forum was a 'labour of love' and it was difficult to give it as much attention as you desired due to other committments.

Perhaps what is needed here is another person who can do some of the admin tasks, an assistant admin so to speak. Somebody who would be as evenhanded and unobstrusive as you have been, someone like Graebarde for example.
This forum is one of the better behaved that I have seen and I would hate to see break up because we can't control our emotions. Irrespective of all that, for what it's worth, you have my sympathy and support - I may not agree with all your decisions, but I will try to respect and abide by them.

[kato13]

SSC I appreciate your words. However given privacy concerns towards another person I am not going to provide any more details.

The original title of this post was "looking for moderators" so I certainly give your second suggestion some thought. We really only need the occasional spam post deleted, but as one of my mottoes is "no move made in haste" of course I will need to think about it some more.

[Jason Weiser]

Kato,
My wife is Bipolar I, believe me, I know very well the stress and pain you are describing. If you want to talk...lemme know. If not, that's fine too. Best advice I can give is separate the disease from the person. It's tough, and sometimes, even I find myself stressed out, frustrated and probably cursing and drinking more than I should, ask Chico and FF...I am not the most pleasant person when she's been hospitalized.

Being frustrated and upset isn't wrong..it's a natural reaction for guys like us. We want to do something...but we know we can't. So, we do the best we can. I do, and as much as the bad times suck...the good times are when I get to smile and realize why I said I do in the first place. My folks call me a saint. I dunno why, I'm not. I just love my wife and I'm as the song says: "And you're too proud to beg and too dumb to steal".

[Ironside]

Dealing with the mental illness of a loved one is incredibly hard. My wife has to deal with my clinical depression and anxiety and it really gets to her at times. As she has said to me; "Sometimes I want to go into the garden, put my head under the Hydrangea bush and scream in frustration!", so I have some idea of what it can do to people. Recently a good friend of ours succummed to Altzheimers to the extent he now has to be in a secure unit as he can no longer recognise dangers to himself.

Mental illness is almost taboo in our society and I agree, so many people think that it's 'catching' Thank you for being so open and frank with us kato; I hope that your loved one gets appropriate treatment.

I would offer to help with the board but at the moment I can't guarantee any consistency of effort. I do appreciate all the hard work you have done.

[pmulcahy11b]

Kato, I feel for you. I'm on the other side of that equation, and this person definitely needs you and is lucky to have you. Take care of them, and stop by whenever you can.

[Legbreaker]

As I've implied a few times, I married a 5'0" redhead and the absolute screaming fury that comes along with it. After almost ten years of abuse which included being stabbed and then being locked up by the police (even though I was the victim), as well as two periods in the psych unit of the local hospital for depression, I finally kicked her out nearly 4 years ago.

So I feel somewhat qualified to understand how you might be feeling Kato. You have my sympathy and suppport.

[General Pain]

I too hate it when real life gets too real...

Let's show the respect Kato deserves and stop any more silly arguments that borders into personal attacks.

I must admit I too was a bit too open (it was only ment as a funny remark) (probably because of my own mental state ) and hurt another poster feelings (if USMCs have them) and I regret that now and hope it's just water under the bridge. I never meant anything by it , however I think it was in the old forum....So I think I'm at my best behaviour ... now...

...usually best behaviour and General Pain is never used in the same sentence.

Anyway let's keep it civil guys...

KATO YOU RULE!!!!!!!!!

[Dog 6]

Originally Posted by kato13

I had a much more strongly worded rant (It actually contained two uses of the F word) to the DC canon thread, but even though it contained the line

"See right now my brain is attempting to add my usual tact to this post now and it disgusts me that I would still even waste the time and energy it takes."

I was still overtaken by my internal desire for tact and civility so I deleted it and started this post.

Ok full disclosure because you guys deserve it.

I have for the last year been dealing with the continuing descent of a loved one into mental illness. While there have been periods of stabilization IMO the situation has continued to trend downward. As you can imagine this is an unbelievably taxing on me.

For a time this place was my oasis. Until one poster (whom I feel was motivated by personal animosity) decided to take things too far. To be honest I had already lost respect for that poster (which was a first on this board) in a previous discussion, so my feelings towards this poster are not from a knee-jerk defense of anyone.

I could have simply banned that one user (and lord knows I considered it), but my own internal code would rather push my own sanity to the brink than use that heavy handed form of censorship.

I tried (after much soul searching) with the Canon thread to remove a weapon that poster was using and which had driven away posters who were both prolific and still had my respect. It was not to elevate them to some sort of god status nor to say their work was "better" than any others. An imperfect solution, but something I hoped would bring peace and bring back several users from exile.

The fact my canon declaration has apparently driven away one of the posters I have the greatest respect for, wounds me even further. I'm actually tearing up as I type this (hey I said full disclosure)

Simply put due to massive drains on me physically, mentally and emotionally from my real world issues, I simply cannot waste any energy on fighting over what in the end is just fiction and a game.

In the "strongly worded" post I mentioned above, I was ready to walk away completely from this place. This post proves that deep down I don't want to do that. However I may have more long periods of absence if I feel I just can't take it any more.

I feel bad for the ultimatum but if you want me around, play as nice as you can. It is really that simple. As a man I hate admitting weakness, but I simply don't have the reserves in me to fight hard for this place right now. Other more important things need my attention and energy.

Felt you guys deserved the full unvarnished truth.

kato

I'm sorry about your family illness, hope he or she is better soon.


kato this I must say, having been a "mod" before I don't support censorship BUT this is your site and if one guy is causing you this much pain then please give him/her the boot. I want you around, you've helped me a lot when others blew me off and you've done one hell of a good job. last I'd like to say if you leave I leave.

[Grimace]

Stay strong, kato. Situations like what you're going through are never easy on those involved on both sides of the illness. Be patient...it's a long, long haul. Here's hoping it has a better outcome than what is currently happening.

And make sure you talk with others that you trust about it. Don't keep it bottled up for your own sake.

There are those who visit here who would gladly and readily stand-in as a temporary for you during this tough time in your life. Perhaps choosing one would help alleviate one troublesome thought so you can focus more on the important things in your life.