Stupid GI Tricks

[dragoon500ly]

While cleaning out the ole storage shed, I came across a box of old journals that I had maintained while serving in the Green Machine from 1977-1987...its a collection of things that I had witnessed, thought it would be good for a laugh!

While on a field exercise at Hohenfels, we had a platoon get lost. For those who have never been to the there, right in the middle of the maneuver area is a rather tall hill capped with the ruins of and old castle. Needless to say, if you keep that landmark on one hand, you will eventually arrive at the main post. It was also a favorite assembly area prior to moving back to the motor pool.

Our fearless Second Lieutenant was fresh out of ROTC and was convinced that because he was a "Butter Bar", that the NCOs of his platoon had nothing to teach him.

Picture the company commander sitting in his jeep, on top of Castle Hill, watching the platoon drive around and around the hill, while the platoon leader, had his map spread out all over the coupola of his M-60A1.

Our Captain would come up on the radio net and ask the platoon their ETA and was assured by the Lieutenant that he was five minutes out. After almost an hour of watching this, the Captain comes up on the net and orders the platoon to halt. He then asks for the location of the platoon. After the Lieutenant gives a grid (32km off), the Captain asks the Lieutenant to stand up and look to his left, and did the Lieutenant see the CO waving at him?

Yes Virginia, the most dangerous weapon known to man, is a Second Lieutenant with a map!

[pmulcahy11b]

Originally Posted by dragoon500ly

Yes Virginia, the most dangerous weapon known to man, is a Second Lieutenant with a map!

We used to say the most dangerous thing was a 2LT with a map, a weapon, and a plan...

[Webstral]

You guys are so tempting fate. Do you want another tirade from me about the evils of the commissioning system as it exists today?

Webstral

[Adm.Lee]

I have a similar "virtual" story. When I was in ROTC, one of my classmates was having a terrible time with learning map-grids. Our instructor pretty much had to repeat everything at least twice for him. A week or so later, that guy & I went to see "Platoon"* (that should give you an idea how long before GPS this was). During the scene in which the LT is fumbling with the map and radio under fire, I got to poke poor Steve in the ribs. A lot. He nearly punched me in the face!

* It might have been "Hamburger Hill?"

That was a sad, sad class, as far as the Army was concerned. There were only 4 in my class-- 2 of them didn't want to commit after 2 years, and the other 2 of us were medically disqualified.

[pmulcahy11b]

Originally Posted by Adm.Lee

That was a sad, sad class, as far as the Army was concerned. There were only 4 in my class-- 2 of them didn't want to commit after 2 years, and the other 2 of us were medically disqualified.

Did it happen to be 1986?

[Adm.Lee]

Originally Posted by pmulcahy11b

Did it happen to be 1986?

Shortly after-- I started at Allegheny in '86, so I think the map/movie episode was the following spring? IMDB says the movie was released in December of '86, so it was likely in early '87, then.

[dragoon500ly]

Originally Posted by Webstral

You guys are so tempting fate. Do you want another tirade from me about the evils of the commissioning system as it exists today?

Webstral

There's nothing wrong with Second Lieutenants, you just feed them, groom them and walk them a couple of times a day and they make great pets!

And never, ever, ever feed them after midnight!

[dragoon500ly]

While serving with the old 2ACR in Germany, I got the chance to serve as a gunner on a IP M-1. This was the first gunnery exercise that we did after reequipping with the Abrams, and while we had all completed the conversion training, experience was sadly lacking.

While firing the Table VIII night gunnery, we had some problems with the weather, a typical Grafenwoher nighttime fog. But not to worry! We had the new thermal sights and the targets had just been refitted with hot air blowers, they should show up great!

Right!?!

When it came time for our turn on the stationary firing range, the fog was so heavy that you could not see the front of the turret from the hatches. And in the gunners seat...nothing could be seen. Finally, Range Control raised all the targets and turned the hot air blowers to maximum.

And nothing could be seen.

Finally, a dim blotch showed up on the thermal and with a great cry of glee, the tank commander yelled "FIRE!"

I pulled the triggers and watched the target explode into pieces. The only thing that I could think of was that I had hit the generator and had splattered burning fuel everywhere.

Needless to say, Range Control was screaming "Cease Fire" and that was the end of the gunnery program for the night.

The next morning, we found out what I had shot. I had nailed a boar, with a 105mm training HEAT round, 150 meters from the tank.

Yup! I had killed my pig, gutted and skinned it and cooked and served it all over the range!

And since boars are a protected species, I got to fill out about 25kg of forms for the German Forestry Service!

[Webstral]

Originally Posted by dragoon500ly

The next morning, we found out what I had shot. I had nailed a boar, with a 105mm training HEAT round, 150 meters from the tank.

Yup! I had killed my pig, gutted and skinned it and cooked and served it all over the range!

Nice shootin', Tex!


Webstral

[Targan]

Originally Posted by Webstral

You guys are so tempting fate. Do you want another tirade from me about the evils of the commissioning system as it exists today?

Webstral

That depends. Do you think Eddie is reading this thread?

[TiggerCCW UK]

Two quick ones from my own experience;

When I was a cadet with the 1st Ulster Marine Cadets we entered a team into the NISAM (Northern Ireland Skill at Arms Meet), which was a big competition involving representatives from from all units based in NI at the time. As the troubles were still in full swing then this gave a very broad range of units, as all services, plus the TA and cadets attended. One of the years we were there it was interesting to see the locally recruited TA field ambulance unit out shoot the paras :-)

The second one involves a pop at junior officers again (sorry to all the Lt's and 2 Lt's out there). A friend of mine who will remain nameless (as she is now a serving regular officer) had a few issues with radios on an excercise - the conversation went something like this;

'Bravo alpha, this is bravo charlie, are you receiving, over'

Pause for reply, when none is forthcoming,

'Bravo alpha, this is bravo charlie, are you receiving, over'

Pause again, then turns to senior officer.

'Sir they aren't responding'

Senior officer replies

'Maybe they don't have their radio on'

My friend then displayed some awesome initiative by transmitting

'Bravo alpha, this is bravo charlie, please turn your radio on'

[B.T.]

Great one, Tigger!

[dragoon500ly]

Originally Posted by pmulcahy11b

We used to say the most dangerous thing was a 2LT with a map, a weapon, and a plan...

While stationed at Fort Hood, got to take part in a map-ex run by the 1st Brigade, 1st Cavalry Division (that's right! I got to walk message forms from one table to another!! ) The Brigade S-3 was excited because part of the map-ex was to use a tactical nuke to destroy an enemy regiment.

The highlight of the map-ex was the S-3 personally plotting the target location for the tac nuke...

The Brigade Commander calmly watched the whole process and when it came time for him to request release of the nuke, asked the S-3 "Have you confirmed the target location?"

"Yes Sir!"

"You do realize that the grid that you gave is the location of our headquarters?"

[pmulcahy11b]

Originally Posted by dragoon500ly

While stationed at Fort Hood, got to take part in a map-ex run by the 1st Brigade, 1st Cavalry Division (that's right! I got to walk message forms from one table to another!! ) The Brigade S-3 was excited because part of the map-ex was to use a tactical nuke to destroy an enemy regiment.

The highlight of the map-ex was the S-3 personally plotting the target location for the tac nuke...

The Brigade Commander calmly watched the whole process and when it came time for him to request release of the nuke, asked the S-3 "Have you confirmed the target location?"

"Yes Sir!"

"You do realize that the grid that you gave is the location of our headquarters?"

That reminds me of an exercise we did in Korea. Unbeknownst to us a Special Forces team was taking part in the exercise. They had full TOC identification, waltzed right into the field TOC carrying large bags -- and a couple of hours after they left, the G-2 got a phone call to check the underside of the TOC truck he was in. There was a simulated tactical nuclear device there, and somehow, no one had seen the SF team plant it even though the truck in question was in the middle of the TOC area and they used full simulated procedures to plant it.

Sometimes, you can get a long way just by acting like you belong there.

[rcaf_777]

Our Captain would come up on the radio net and ask the platoon their ETA and was assured by the Lieutenant that he was five minutes out. After almost an hour of watching this, the Captain comes up on the net and orders the platoon to halt. He then asks for the location of the platoon. After the Lieutenant gives a grid (32km off)

I have a similar "virtual" story. When I was in ROTC, one of my classmates was having a terrible time with learning map-grids. Our instructor pretty much had to repeat everything at least twice for him. A week or so later, that guy & I went to see "Platoon"* (that should give you an idea how long before GPS this was). During the scene in which the LT is fumbling with the map and radio under fire, I got to poke poor Steve in the ribs. A lot. He nearly punched me in the face!

I don't understand, I am a Boy Scout Leader and I teach my Scouts map and compass and all my Scout can get us from point A to B and find their spot on the map, and give me the grid. One of the gun-ho boys ask if I could show them how to call in Artillery, which I declined

[cavtroop]

Originally Posted by rcaf_777

I don't understand, I am a Boy Scout Leader and I teach my Scouts map and compass and all my Scout can get us from point A to B and find their spot on the map, and give me the grid. One of the gun-ho boys ask if I could show them how to call in Artillery, which I declined

Some people just have the damnedest time with orienteering - I am pretty good at it, but there are others to whom it just doesn't 'click' at all, that lightbulb never goes on.

[dragoon500ly]

Originally Posted by rcaf_777

I don't understand, I am a Boy Scout Leader and I teach my Scouts map and compass and all my Scout can get us from point A to B and find their spot on the map, and give me the grid. One of the gun-ho boys ask if I could show them how to call in Artillery, which I declined

Think of it this way...you are a green 2nd Lieutenant, riding a tank for your first field exercise. Now tank rides have to be experienced to be believed, they pitch and roll worse than any navy ship, (you have no seat belts and you might have a hand hold), you are wearing a poorly fitted CVC (crew communications helmet) trying to monitor the platoon and company freqs and direct your driver (gee isn't it strange how the command tank always has a new driver?), not to mention the stink and heat of the exhaust washing over you whenever you least expect it. You are trying to fold, unfold, refold your map case, trying to watch for landmarks. All too many times I have witnessed green lieutenants trying to use a compass while sitting on top of a tank (didn't learn about compasses and large masses of metal at West Point,
did we?).

And for added entertainment, your tank platoon is fresh off of gunnery, and the stink of ammonia-based propellent is lingering, and since its day 4 of the FX...the chance to bath, has not been recent...breakfast was an MRE and the lethal combination of BO, diesel exhaust, ammonia, poor food and the rough ride leaves you about to toss your cookies! Nothing gets the ole platoon going like watching the new lieutenant puking his guts out over the side of the ole turret!!!

And sitting right next to you, in his loader's hatch is your evil loader (satanic bastard!) With a mouth full of ole Redman and a plastic bottle that he is spitting in...strapped right there where you can watch it out of the corner of your eye, where you can enjoy the pleasure of watching his "residue", splash around the inside....

Sucks to be a green 2nd Lieutenant...

[dragoon500ly]

Got to thinking about bad designs and came across this journel entry.

During the Cold War, US tanks (M-60A1s) stationed close to the border carried a basic load of 50 rounds of main gun ammo, especially those units close to the Fulda Gap. At the time of this incident, the mix was 40 rounds of APDS and 10 rounds of HEAT.

Now the 105mm HEAT round looks sort of like a potato masher grenade right out of WWII, a flat nose clyinder with a pipe sticking out of the end. This pipe housed the point-detonating fuse and the fuse itself was protected with a screw on cap. Normally the round is loaded as is, since the inside of the cap has a small point designed to impact on the nose of the fuze and start the reaction. The screw cap had one flaw. Over time, the paint holding it in place starts to crack and the movement of the tank causes the cap to unscrew.

The main gun rounds were routinely downloaded for inspection as well as prior to any gunnery (being replaced with practice rounds). Part of the download process was for the loader to test the cap and if he found it loose, to pass it out to the tanker standing next to the turret, to be transported to a blast pit where an EOD specialist would refix the screwcap and paint it again.

A simple process, performed 2-3 times a year and always preceeded with a safety briefing so everyone is on the same track.

We had a brand new kid, straight out of Armor Basic. He was assigned to my tank as the loader, (I was a new PFC, driver), but due to his inexperience, I was inside the tank, removing the rounds, and passing them up to my tank commander to be handed down to the ground and moved to the ammo bay.

I found a HEAT round with a loose cap and passed it up to the TC, advising him, and he repeated back to me "Loose Cap!" He handed it down to our new man, and I heard the repeat "Loose Cap!" I was travesing the turret to get to a hull rack when my TC dove, head first through the loader's hatch, at almost the same moment, there was an explosion and the tank rocked sideways.

By the time I had helped my TC back up through the hatch, the rest of the platoon had gathered in stunned silence.

According to my TC, our new man had accepted the HEAT round and stepped back, as my TC started to turn back to the tank, he saw the new guy, take the round by the base and ram the projectile into the concrete to reset the screwcap, at this point my TC dove for cover. Since the screwcap only has to travel a quarter of an inch to impact the fuze....

Hell of a way to give your life for your country....