Full Disclosure

[kato13]

I had a much more strongly worded rant (It actually contained two uses of the F word) to the DC canon thread, but even though it contained the line

"See right now my brain is attempting to add my usual tact to this post now and it disgusts me that I would still even waste the time and energy it takes."

I was still overtaken by my internal desire for tact and civility so I deleted it and started this post.

Ok full disclosure because you guys deserve it.

I have for the last year been dealing with the continuing descent of a loved one into mental illness. While there have been periods of stabilization IMO the situation has continued to trend downward. As you can imagine this is an unbelievably taxing on me.

For a time this place was my oasis. Until one poster (whom I feel was motivated by personal animosity) decided to take things too far. To be honest I had already lost respect for that poster (which was a first on this board) in a previous discussion, so my feelings towards this poster are not from a knee-jerk defense of anyone.

I could have simply banned that one user (and lord knows I considered it), but my own internal code would rather push my own sanity to the brink than use that heavy handed form of censorship.

I tried (after much soul searching) with the Canon thread to remove a weapon that poster was using and which had driven away posters who were both prolific and still had my respect. It was not to elevate them to some sort of god status nor to say their work was "better" than any others. An imperfect solution, but something I hoped would bring peace and bring back several users from exile.

The fact my canon declaration has apparently driven away one of the posters I have the greatest respect for, wounds me even further. I'm actually tearing up as I type this (hey I said full disclosure)

Simply put due to massive drains on me physically, mentally and emotionally from my real world issues, I simply cannot waste any energy on fighting over what in the end is just fiction and a game.

In the "strongly worded" post I mentioned above, I was ready to walk away completely from this place. This post proves that deep down I don't want to do that. However I may have more long periods of absence if I feel I just can't take it any more.

I feel bad for the ultimatum but if you want me around, play as nice as you can. It is really that simple. As a man I hate admitting weakness, but I simply don't have the reserves in me to fight hard for this place right now. Other more important things need my attention and energy.

Felt you guys deserved the full unvarnished truth.

kato