Stupid GI Tricks

[HorseSoldier]

I can go one better on the Ft Drum raccoons. During my one brief trip to Drum my Bradley crew and I watched what had to be the dumbest guy in the New Jersey National Guard chase a skunk around a dumpster with a stick. It ended about like you'd guess . . .

[dragoon500ly]

During a FTX in Graf, the unit Chemical Officer decided to pull a fast one. The SOB poured a dozen bags of CS powder on the trank trail and then covered it with dust. Needless to say the first tank made it through okay, but the rest of us....

Nothing like a troops worth of vehicles scattered over a click of trail...

And the Chemical Officer....failed to get permission from Range Control, and since the Lieutenant Colonel was riding the trail right after our convey, and he didn't have a protective mask...

Ahhhhh, nothing like watching a Captain locked up in front of a light Colonel, getting a most impressive butt-chewing!

[dragoon500ly]

Here is an example of just how stupid the Green Machine can get.

While stationed at Fort Hood, Texas, we were notifed of an FTX that would take place over the Thanksgiving holiday. To make the FTX even more miserable, a Texas "Norther" blew through. For those of you lucky souls that have managed to avoid this form of weather, a "norther" is very cold, wet, windy and involves unseasonable snow.

To make matters even more enjoyable, our brigade commander had a personnel mission to remove heaters from military vehicles "in order to reduce our infra red signature". Yup! nothing like central Texas in 27 degree weather and a foot of snow/ice/slush to make the holidays memorable!

But that wasn't what PO'd the enlisted men. Nope! We took the weather in stride and proceeded to chase OPFER around the maneuver area. Thanksgiving Day dawned to a admin halt. Our officers were called to a high level staff meeting with the Brigade commander. Since it is somewhat unusual for all of the officers to attend a meeting, several scouts decided to perform a security patrol. Our intention was to ambush a "roach coach" and score some sodas and something other than C-rations.

We were a little surprised to see a lot of activity ongoing in a nearby clearing so we snooped in to see what was going on. Our Brigade Commander had arranged for several large tents to be set up and was hosting a Thanksgiving Dinner for his officers and their families. It was quite a spread! Everything served piping hot, white tablecloths, china, even wine for the usual toasts...

Did I mention that Thanksgiving Dinner for the troops was cold C-Rations, seems that the Brigade Commander pulled all of the unit cooks for the Officer's Dinner.

The credit of my fellow scouts, we kept our grumbling to ourselves, but the news of what had happened got out fairly quickly. But what impressed me the most was the Turkey Revolt. It seems that the Brigade Commander's little operation pissed off a lot of officers. They took up a collection among themselves and later that night cooked, delivered and served to the troops a hot Thanksgiving dinner. Kudo's to them!

And the Brigade Commander, well the Division Commander was less than pleased when the details came to his attention. Nothing offical ever happened, but our Brigade Commander was relieved of his command to attend a General Staff course, and was later assigned to a Public Information Officer's slot at the Pentagon. To the best of my knowledge, he was never appointed to command a unit again.

[Adm.Lee]

Originally Posted by dragoon500ly

Here is an example of just how stupid the Green Machine can get.

... To the best of my knowledge, he was never appointed to command a unit again.

So, maybe not all of the Green Machine is stupid?

[dragoon500ly]

Originally Posted by Adm.Lee

So, maybe not all of the Green Machine is stupid?

The Green Machine somehow achieves that difficult balance of amazing you, for better or worse, and even both together!

When I enlisted in 1977, there was a large percentage of the pre Vietnam War officer corps in place who were more concerned with their next posting than taking care of the troops they were responible for. It was so bad, that many officers choose to take staff assignments rather than go for command. What really saved the Army were the NCOs, many of whom had 2-3 combat tours under their belts and a large cadre of officers who had served in Vietnam and were now getting into the O3-O6 slots.

Then there were those special officers like Colin Powell and Tommy Franks. I had the privilage of serving under General Franks and I still remember the first time he I attended one of his NCO conferences after I had made Corporal, he simply is one of the finest officers of his generation, a true combat leader tempered with a wicked dry wit. "General Tommy" was loved and respected by his troopers.

Then you had officers like Norman Schwarzkopf, who may have been brave on the battlefield, but firmly believed that rank had its privilages and had the leadership ability of, well, in spite of all the press hoopla about "Stormin Norman" and "The Bear", his service nickname perhaps expresses the opinion of those who served under him "Fucking Pimple".

[dragoon500ly]

When the XM-1 Battalion was undergoing its field trails at Fort Hood in 1981 there was a rather amusing accident that took place. One of the tests of the new tank was to run it couple of times around Ft Hood. On the main tank trail there was a small switchback that climbed a small limestone cliff of about 15 feet...

During a night road march, under simulated NBC conditions, one driver got a little too comfortable and went to sleep. He awoke to his TC screaming at him to stop, a little too late and the tank ran right into the cliff. The loader of the tank lost a few teeth when he was slammed into his machinegun mount and the tank commander, wasn't holding on tight enough, he was thrown from the tank and impacted the cliff face and fell down, breaking both legs. By the time my tank had pulled up, the TC had managed to crawl back up on the tank, had gotten the driver by the throat and was punching him.

[dragoon500ly]

Going through my journals, it seems that I was nearby waaaayy too many accidents during my time...this is one of the more odd ones.

Night maneuver training at Hohenfels, my troop was roaming an area of broken gullies and washes on the east side of the maneuver area, our squadron commander was following the troop in his M-113. Night vision is a wonderful thing, but let's just say that the depth perception, especially on older vehicles like the 113 wasn't that great.

My tank was on the right flank of the troop and my gunner and I were taking turns on the thermal sight when we were suddenly dazzled by IR lights shining right at us. I popped up into my hatch and was illuminated by a pair of headlights on high beam, right before the 113 dropped into a medium-sized gully and rolled over.

I had my driver kill the IR headlights and switch to white light and called the accident in over the platoon net and headed towards the 113. In only a few moments, four IPM-1s were pulled up onto the edge of the gully illuminating the 113 lying on its side. By the time the first of us had made our way down the side, a dozen more tanks and 113s had pulled up.

Our squadron commander was riding with a light crew, himself, the S-2 and S-3, our FAC officer and the normal TC and driver. Of this mob, there were two dislocated shoulders, a broken arm, a broken leg, a concussion and the at least 4 broken ribs. The driver was the worse off, his hatch had popped free from its lock and slammed onto his head as the vehicle rolled over, he had a concussion, broken ribs and a broken leg.

Our squadron commander had cut his head and was dazed and confused, he kept climbing up and down each side of the gully, trailed by at least four different officers, each with a first aid kit....finally our Platoon Sergeant stopped him with a "Sit the fuck down sir! You're bleeding like a stuck pig!"

By this time, we had stabilized the driver and evac'd him from the vehicle, when the medics showed, they strapped him into a litter and then tried to walk him up the slope, where they promptly dropped him, still strapped to the litter. There was a comment "fucking medics are more used to treating the fucking clap!" and a dozen tankers grabbed the litter and took it up the wall, passing him from man to man.

Still can't get over the medics dropping that man...