Mr. Murphy Says

[dragoon500ly]

Murphy’s Laws of Armor

1. Just after you report “Redcon 1” (Readiness Condition 1 - ready to move out right "now") for your qualification run, you will realize that you desperately need to take a leak.

2. The fuel truck will run out of fuel just before he gets to your tank.

2a. You will run out of fuel before he returns.

3. Tanks don’t float.

4. If a supply sergeant is given a choice between death and going to the field with his unit, he will ask for a few minutes to “Think it over.”

5. Attempting to help recover a mired tank will only result in your tank becoming mired also.

6. The primary purpose of an operations order is to ensure that all blame falls on the line units.

6a. For this reason, the staff will not publish an operations order until after the exercise is completed.

7. Night vision devices will only fail at night.

7a. They will function perfectly once the sun rises.

8. The dirtier and more tired you are, the less appreciative you become of “constructive criticism” from somebody in a pristine uniform.

9. The heater on your tank will fail in October. The part to repair it will arrive in April.

10. No matter how minor the ailment, a visit to the medics will result in an I.V.

10a. Arguing with the medics about this will result in your being evacuated in a neck brace and back board (in addition to the I.V.).

11. When loading the main gun, remember: “pointy end first.”

12. The only times you will throw a track (that flexible band of metal and rubber the tank travels on) are: a. At night, b. in the rain, c. during the movement back to garrison, or d. one hour after you installed the new ones.

13. Your vehicle will go NMC (Not Mission Capable - deadlined ) right after the contact team leaves the AO (Area of Operations).

14. All infantry fighting vehicles don’t look alike.

15. Shaking trees to your front mean that you are being hunted by helicopters.

16. When you are told your engineer support was needed elsewhere, the bridge will be out.

17. The exercise will finish and you’ll get back to garrison just after the wash rack (where tanks are cleaned) closes.

18. If all else fails, shoot at the muzzle flashes — the larger ones are the dangerous ones, the smaller ones are infantry.

18a. The infantry muzzle flashes you ignore are covering an anti-tank team setting up.

19. “Rebel yells” are not proper FM radio procedure after a successful Table VIII (The tank crew qualification test a 10 engagement run on a tank range which tank crews must successfully complete in order to be a qualified crew. Like going to the rifle range for a qualification of expert) shoot.

20. XO math: 3 pacs on the ground + no fueler + 2 deadlines = 100% FMC (Fully Mission Capable).

21. Close air support is safest from far away.

22. Proving that three feet of frontal armor protection will defend against any threat is probably best demonstrated on someone else’s track.

23. Hearing an “Aw, shit” soon after an “on-the-waaay!” means you’re probably not getting that promotion.

24. Tanks are very easy to see unless you’re dismounted and they’re backing up.

25. The one time you skip the firing circuit test is when you have the misfire.

26. “GUNNER, SABOT, SNIPER” (firing an anti-tank shell at a sniper) is not an appropriate use of ammunition.

27. It is cruel to tell NBC types “Damn, that Fox (NATO chemical/biological/nuclear weapons detection vehicle) looks like a BMP (Russian made armored vehicle used by many countries, like Iraq)!” — particularly when live rounds are being issued.

28. Blackout drive + autobahn + 0345 = polizei.

29. Unsecured turrets will only swing freely mid-way through a rail tunnel.

30. When doing a gunnery, the tank is always operational until you get to the ready line.

31. If you are promised “downtime,” what they really mean is: You will be breaking track.

32. First sergeant math: Buy Gatorade for $1.49 each and sell for $1.00 each — with the profits going to the unit fund.

[dragoon500ly]

The Herc and the F-15s

A couple of F-15's are escorting a C-130 Hercules, and their pilots are chatting with the pilot of the transport to pass the time. Talk comes ‘round to the relative merits of their respective aircraft. Of course the fighter pilots contend that their airplanes were better because of their superior speed, maneuverability, weaponry, and so forth, while the putting down the Herc’s deficiencies in these areas.

After taking this for a while, the C-130 pilot says, "Oh yeah? Well, I can do a few things in this old girl that you'd only dream about." Naturally, the fighter jocks challenge him to demonstrate.

"Just watch," comes the quick retort.

And so they watch. But all they see is that C-130 continuing to fly straight and level..

After several minutes the Herc pilot comes back on the air, saying "There! How was that?"

Not having seen anything, the fighter pilots reply, "What are you talking about? What did you do?"

And the Herc pilot replies, "Well, I got up, stretched my legs, got a cup of coffee, then went back an took a leak."

Q&A

Q: How do you know if there is an Air Force pilot at your party?
A: He'll tell you.

Q: What's the difference between an Air Force pilot and a jet engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the planes shuts down.

Q: How many Air Force pilots does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One...he just holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.

Q: How do you bury a fighter pilot?
A: You give him an enema and bury what’s left in a shoe box.

The Three Pilots

Three pilots are walking through the forest when they come upon a set of tracks.

The first pilot says, "Those are deer tracks."

The second pilot says, "No, those are elk tracks."

The third pilot says, "You're both wrong! Those are moose tracks."

The pilots were still arguing when the train hit them.

“My Wife . . . .”

A Navy Chief and an Air Force General were getting shave sin a barbershop.

As the barbers were reaching for some after-shave to slap on their faces, the General

shouts, "Hey, don't put that crap on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!" Whereupon the Chief turns to his barber and says, "Go ahead and put it on me, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."

[raketenjagdpanzer]

I think this one says it nicely

[rcaf_777]

Murphy Laws on Combat with Chuck Norris

1. ARE YOU CRAZY WHO IS GOING TO FIGHT CHUCK NORRIS........HE CHUCK NORRIS HE CAN KILL YOU JUST BY LOOKING AT YOU

2. Well that it I guess

[Panther Al]

Originally Posted by dragoon500ly

Murphy’s Laws of Armor
26. “GUNNER, SABOT, SNIPER” (firing an anti-tank shell at a sniper) is not an appropriate use of ammunition.

Guilty of this one.....


But it worked *real* well.