Some T2K artwork i've done...

[natehale1971]

Originally Posted by Mohoender

I can't add anything, it says it all.

I have been crying alot lately. I miss my boys so damn much. I've been taking extra meds to make me stay asleep. i know that it isn't healthy. but i hurt so damn much that i have to find a way to get through the day without breaking down into tears. it's part of the reason i wanted to set up the play-by-post game here. hoping that would take up as much of the time and keep my mind off my boys. and how much i hurt and ache to be holding them.

i dont know what to do anymore. i can't find a way to get through the days. just sitting here, watching tv or just looking at the boys pictures, sitting in their bedroom clutching their toys. its killing me, and there isnt anything i can do. i keep finding the little notes and letters she left, saying how much she loved me. and how she would never leave me, that we would be together forever and ever. how she trusted me to be faithful, but was so worried and frightened that someone would steal me away from her.

but now this... she accused me of needing someone so bad, but i've survived so many physical injuries all by myself. i only needed her and the boys. i wish that she would have let me die. told them to take me off the life support machines, she knew i didn't want to be on a machine.

[Targan]

Hang in there Nate. Until late last year I didn't give a damn whether I lived or died. I've suffered from pretty severe depression for 20 years. You can rise above. We can all tell you've been strong before, you CAN be strong again.

Remember, you are not alone.

[kato13]

Nate I think depression comes with Genius. It sucks but it seems to match with evidence I have seen. You are immensely talented and the whole world sees it but you may not right now.

There is something in the genius mind that while it can hold on to information and produce wonderful works of art, that also makes it harder to let go of pain. The pain can be enveloping I know that. The pain can cripple you mentally and physically. I hate the fact that my mind can recall with perfect clarity every mistake I have made in my life. But this mind that tortures me so often can also produce wonderful and amazing things.

I think you are a kindred spirit to me and many others here. Many of us have been in a similar place. The hand you have been dealt right now is not one I would wish on anyone, but you are not alone, and there are those of us who care about and really respect you and your talents. Hang in there man and we will be here to listen and help if we can.

[natehale1971]

i just wish that i can stop hurting. i've tried to stop loving Emma. but i can't. i really can't. i might not like her much, but i still love her. especially when i find pictures and letters she wrote me, saying she would never leave. that she wanted us to be happy together. that she loved me for now and forever. i dont know what to do i really dont. i hate being here alone surrounded by all of these things. i sit in the boys room holding the stuffed animals that they didn't take to the UK, i love her so damn much. i dont know what to do. i just want to stop thinking. she promised she wouldn't do this to me. she swore to God she would never do this. but she did.

[kato13]

You can't turn off love. The only way to get rid of it is by passing through pain. I have had many nights where I work and work and work keeping my brain full so I can keep the pain on the very edges of my brain. I often work until I am so tired I can fall asleep without thinking. I hope we can help you find a way to cope until the pain subsides. It will get better.

[natehale1971]

Originally Posted by kato13

You can't turn off love. The only way to get rid of it is by passing through pain. I have had many nights where I work and work and work keeping my brain full so I can keep the pain on the very edges of my brain. I often work until I am so tired I can fall asleep without thinking. I hope we can help you find a way to cope until the pain subsides. It will get better.

I hope you are right. i really do. i still love her,and just dont understand how she can stop loving me. when she said that she never loved me, that she only married me out of pity.that really hurt.

[kato13]

Originally Posted by natehale1971

I hope you are right. i really do. i still love her,and just dont understand how she can stop loving me. when she said that she never loved me, that she only married me out of pity.that really hurt.

She was lying or trying to convince herself that was the truth. Women say things they don't mean all the time. I'm not saying men don't as well, but women really know how to twist the dagger with words.